Cultivate Toughness Born of a Compassionate Heart
Rev. Nikkyo Niwano
Founder, Rissho Kosei-kai
Accepting Stern Words with Humility
Shakyamuni’s stern admonition of Rahula undoubtedly arose from a place of great compassion. But I am deeply impressed by the profound wisdom of using the metaphor of water to reprimand Rahula. Water is naturally pure. By comparing the inherent buddha nature possessed by every human being to water, Shakyamuni taught Rahula this: “Your original nature is as pure as water.”
Because Rahula was a humble person, he was able to take those words to heart in the way they were intended, and as a result, turn himself around.
Here, I believe, lies the secret of Shakyamuni’s skill as a mentor. As far as I know, no matter which sutra we read, we never find Shakyamuni denying the humanity of anyone he speaks to by saying things like “You are an awful person.” Even when admonishing someone, he points only to that person’s mistaken attitude or wrongful actions. And because the individual already knows what the Buddha tells them to be true, they can accept his words humbly. If we listen humbly and receptively, even stern admonitions no longer feel stern.
Whether in the workplace or in Dharma circles, people tend to avoid those who speak sternly. However, if such sternness affirms people’s human dignity and recognizes their good qualities and strengths, it is sure to be understood.
If Cofounder Myoko Naganuma thought, “I must help such-and-such a person become a genuine practitioner of the Dharma,” she would even correct the way they used chopsticks. She would give them extremely detailed guidance not only on practicing the Dharma but also on their conduct in daily life, observing their every movement.
Thanks to the Cofounder, the leaders of the Dharma centers developed the proper attitude and bearing. The extraordinary thing about Myoko-sensei was that each and every one of her stern words fully conveyed the heart of great compassion from which they arose. With great empathy, she was meticulously attentive to each and every member. When people know that someone has their best interests at heart, they can accept that person’s critiques and advice willingly.
An acquaintance of mine shared the following story. When he was a boy, he had done something wrong and been severely scolded by his uncle. At the time, his uncle asked him, “Why would a bright boy like you do something like that?” The words “a bright boy like you” resonated with him. Instead of resenting the scolding, he became extremely fond of his uncle, and those words have sustained him ever since—even up to now, well into his eighties.
That said, the phenomenal world in which we live is a harsh world full of suffering, just as Shakyamuni Buddha described it when he taught that “All conditioned existence is characterized by suffering.” To survive in such a world, it is important for us to be raised to be resilient from childhood.
Accordingly, while nurturing others requires a foundation of 100 per cent loving care, there are inevitably times when that love must be expressed through stern words.
On the other hand, even when we encounter hardships in our daily lives, we must not forget that the Buddha’s great compassion is at work therein. When we can accept those hardships with an open and honest heart, we will realize that they open a path to happiness.
Bodai no me o okosashimu (Kosei Publishing, 2018), pp. 105-108